Lucie The Loser

It's called a wrong number.

I misdialed. I realized it after two rings so I hung up. I redialed using the correct number, completed my call, and then went on with my life.

A little while later, the phone rings. I, struggling up the the stairs with too large a load of laundry for one trip, race (if you can call those moves "racing") back down for the phone. Not an easy feat while carrying a triple load of laundry.

I'm home. The only calls I expect in the middle of the day are 1) Beans and 2) family. If I can get to it, I'm going to try and grab it. It could be important, like, an invite to lunch (hint hint).

Me (slightly winded): Hello?
Lucie: Hi, I'm Lucie "The Loser" (She gave her full name, but I dropped it to protect her identity. This twit needs all the help she can get.) Somebody just called me from this number...?
Me: Absolute. Dead. SILENCE.
Lucie: Well...?
Me: It wasn't me (snort of contempt). Click (or whatever sound the phone makes when you hit the "end" button). I could still hear her yammering questions while I hung up.

You have got to be kidding me, right?

How big of a loser do you have to be to go around calling unknown numbers that show up on your caller ID? Seriously, people, if someone needs/wants to talk to you, they would let the phone ring; leave a message; or, hey, they would call again later. It's really not a complex system.

Calling unknown numbers begging for an explanation...? "Who called me? Why did you call me?" Could you be more pathetic? Is your life so empty that you have time to scan your phone for missed calls AND are you so desperate for contact that you're compelled to dial back?

I don't know who she was expecting. Maybe she was waiting for an important call from her doctor/realtor/whatever. If so, see above: Not. A. Complex. System. Don't tie up the line chasing down phantom calls!

Maybe she was waiting for another kind of call? Sorry, honey, I guess he's just not that into you. If he hasn't called you by now, he ain't callin'. (HINT: Try to ease up on the desperate. He can smell it.)

Obviously, I did not call "you". Let it go.

Christmas Scenes 2008

Merry Christmas from Rice, Beans and the cats! Thanks to everyone for the lovely cards and the thoughtful gifts. The photos are especially appreciated.

It's Christmas in the capital for us this year. With recent travels west for dad's big birthday, and future travels planned for J and O's upcoming wedding bash, we opted to stay and have our own little family Christmas here. It's an extra special one as it's the first Christmas we've had with our fuzzy babies. They're normally under the gentle care of our good friends while we head west for the holidays.

And what a white Christmas it is! Super white, you could say. You'll see in the photos below that our main living area is almost finished. Our talented (but extremely busy) contractor made a monumental effort to finish his work on the the main floor by December 22. Doors are hung, trim is up, and the entire space is primed a bright, bright white. We're ready to paint and will tackled that project after the new year.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of Christmas morning. Wish you were here!

Love,

La Familia Gallo Pinto

Orange finds a sunbeam. (She always finds the sunbeams!) The gas fireplace is in and is put to good use.


View of the dining room. It looks a little bare, but we're still thrilled with it. You can't imagine the cluttered mess it was before December 22....or what a (drywall) dusty mess it was afterwards! You can see the doors to the kitchen are up as well, much to Rice's delight.


Christmas breakfast. Mmmm...eggs benedict!


The view from the dining room window. Lots of snow, but it's still a beautiful, sunny day.


Merry Christmas, Beans! It's a tad dark because he's backlit. There is so much sun coming in through the front windows. It's wonderful....


Opening gifts:


Barrel Man! Ha ha ha!






Waiting for something more interesting to happen.


More gifts:




Can you see a little black cat spazzing out on the couch? Daddy just threw a toy mouse and Black is attacking it with his usual gusto...


...while Orange "rests". This laying in sunbeams is exhausting!


Black corners his prey.


Poor little mouse....



Black finally shows some interest in the presents. Nosing through the wrapping paper is fun!


Orange got a flashy new dish for Christmas. "But Mommy...it's empty!"


Black eyes his new dish with suspicion...


...then turns his back and walks away. "Now where did I leave my mouse?"


Orange joins in the fun and plays with her new Christmas mouse! This is a new one. Black still has his green one, somewhere...


Orange playing by Roomba. (Rice's Note: You have to get a Roomba!)


Watch the beauty that is Orange in motion. She's incredible. No problem with real mice in this house. Orange thanks Tita J and Tito O for the new toy!
(Rice's Note: Sorry, I forgot to turn the camera. Oops!)

ARSONIST SENTENCED

"It was nothing personal," says Bank Street arsonist

Original article: http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/features/blotter/story.html?id=883103fd-f40a-447c-abd8-87f15badb6f8

I meant to take photos, but when I arrived on the scene the camera batteries were dead. :(

OTTAWA - An Ottawa man has pleaded guilty to breaking in and setting a series of fires that caused more than $7 million in damage to a Bank Street building.

Assistant Crown Attorney Dallas Mack told court that Mr. Gill was captured on surveillance cameras entering the building through a rear door on Sept. 15 at about 11:27 p.m.

He also broke into offices belonging to the Canadian Cooperative Association on the fourth floor, smashing picture frames with a crowbar and prying and smashing open cabinets before stealing camera equipment, Inuit carvings and other items.

Fire officials later determined that there were five separate fires set in the Defence Contract Management Agency's office and three fires set on the fourth floor.

Mr. Gill then returned to the building a second time on Oct. 1, walking through all the offices and floors to see the damage he had caused. After stealing some more items, he again set fire to the fourth floor offices, Mr. Mack said.

In your yard I am the Ferengi man

Daler Mehndi's internet following was spurred by the music video for "Tunak Tunak Tun", which gained its popularity due to Mehndi's wild dancing and has led to many homages and parodies. Mehndi originally conceived of the music video, in which he dances with clones of himself, in response to media statements that he was popular only because of the models in his videos.

One such parody:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fSpI4oZoDc&feature=related

I encourage you to watch the whole thing to appreciate the comic genius, but if you can only spare a few seconds go to 3:33 mark... you'll get a pretty accurate feel for it.

Summertime excavation is over

A post to bid adieu to the great excavation project of the summer of 2008. Removing an old apple tree stump to make way for a baby plum revealed a thick layer of asphalt underneath a more modern (less stone - more tar) thin layer. In the end, it would be fit to say that significant portions of the front yard were dug-up and stripped of their bedding of asphalt. The goal grew, when spirits were high and the summer young, to clear the yard of all asphalt. Somewhere between 2/3 and 3/4 became the acceptable compromise. The 4:45 sunsets of the week past also had bearing on after-work pursuits.

Rice was able to line-up a paving company already working on a commercial job around the corner. If not for the good fortune of our proximity, we would have been waiting until spring to rid ourselves of our rubble pile. It was time to cut the losses on the stone-aged excavation project and re-level the yard - no small task given the volume of matter removed. In the end, the yard will be healthier, and my accounts of the great rock pile will see its mass be described by increasingly lofty synonyms for girth.

Knowing the effort that created the pile, it was nice to see that it took a team of men and a bobcat to dispose of the sweat of my brow. Good bye pile. You sure as hell won't be missed.

Un-Earth-ing another Kiwipina

Rice happened by another Kiwi-pinoy - once again a Kiwi-pina. Jessica Trisko, Miss Earth 2007.

Her Miss Earth policy platform seems thin. As far as I can tell it is based mostly on "raising awareness" that minute changes in human behaviour will have positive impacts, of some unknown but well-meaning magnitude, on the planet as it hurls towards a climate apocalypse. The second plank is props to Canada for "embracing differences and encouraging understanding".


Ms. Trisko (does one refer to her as the former Miss Earth) is from Vancouver. Her father is of Ukranian/Russian heritage, and her mother is Filipino. Her first language is English, but she also speaks Russian and French. To which Rice would add, and I paraphrase: The dingbat doesn't even know her own language.

Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie

I meant to post this one a while back. The two-month delay has added nothing but seasoning to this little morsel of Americana. The link has been removed from the original website, but I used the magic of Ctrl+C to perserve parts of it:

Naked man walking dog Tasered by Tallahassee police
by nic corbett • democrat staff writer •
September 13, 2008

A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude Friday night in northwest Tallahassee was Tasered by police when he became belligerent and refused to follow an officer’s commands.
An officer on patrol spotted the man about 8:15 p.m. in the 2200 block of Hartsfield Road, said Officer David McCranie of the Tallahassee Police Department.

When asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, “Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog,” McCranie said.

Apparently, the man's behaviour was so distressed that he was sent for a mental-health evaluation and possibly treatment.... AFTER HE WAS TASERED.

Anyone who listens to voices instructing him on nude dog walking, should be taken for evaluation right away. And then tasered (hahaha., just kidding about that last part).

Same building, new FIRE!!!

City firefighters are fighting a second blaze in just over two weeks at a Bank St. commercial tower -- and that will mean more traffic tie-ups in the downtown this morning.

A building at the intersection of Bank and Somerset streets is the scene of the fire, where another suspicious blaze on Sept. 15 which caused millions of dollars in damage is still under investigation.

The building is a four-storey commercial structure. The Sun revealed in an exclusive story on Sunday that in addition to street-level restaurants, the Bangledeshi High Commission and numerous other businesses, it also houses a branch of the United States Department of Defense.

The intersection of Bank and Somerset, already heavily restricted by construction on Bank St., is closed this morning. There is no word on a cause for this fire, and it is not yet known when the intersection might reopen. Still no mention of CCA... sheesh, what's a NGO got to do to get some ink?

Sources told the Sun the U.S. Defense Contract Management Agency offices were broken into during the original fire on Sept. 15, which is being investigated as an arson. However, neither U.S. government officials nor local police or other officials would say whether anything was taken from the DCMA offices during the incident.

An Ottawa police file contains reference to a rumour that a U.S. intelligence agency was working out of the building, but that also has not been confirmed.

During the Sept. 15 incident, fires were set on the second floor, which was rented out to the DCMA, and the fourth floors. Neither first floor nor the third floor -- which house the Bangladesh High Commission and building operator Gold Key Management among others -- were affected.

The U.S. Defense Contract Management Agency, with satellite offices around the world, handles $90 billion in military contracts worldwide. It procures material and supplies for the U.S. military. Ottawa police said the DCMA's office space was leased by the Canadian Department of Foreign Affairs, who then leased it to the U.S. Embassy, who then leased it to the DCMA. A Gold Key spokesman told the Sun his company was not even aware the floor was occupied by a U.S. government agency with ties to the military.

MORE HERE - Commercial Espionage - Security Breach?:
http://www.ottawasun.com/News/National/2008/10/01/6936816-sun.html

Co-operative House Burns!

WOW! JUST WOW!

My old place of employment has had a "major" fire. I'm going to swing by on my way into work and take a few photos. Blog update pending...

FIRE HEAVILY DAMAGES DOWNTOWN COMPLEX

A portion of Bank and Somerset streets in downtown Ottawa are closed this morning in the wake of a major overnight fire.

Crews were called to a four-storey commercial building at 275 Bank St. shortly after 2 a.m. and arrived to find flames billowing out of the upper storeys. Reinforcements were called in and the flames were finally knocked down after a couple of hours, but the building has suffered heavy fire, smoke and water damage.

Somerset St. between Kent and O'Connor streets, as well as Bank St. northbound at McLaren St. The roads are expected to be closed for several more hours as crews remain at the scene for cleanup operations and an investigation begins into the cause.

Damages could be in the millions of dollars. No injuries were reported.

UPDATE!

Sadly, no pictures. I swung by my old office over lunch with our camera, but forgot that the batteries had died while on a hike at Luskville Falls.

Arson investigators are looking for the cause of a "suspicious" fire that caused an estimated $4 million in damage to a four-storey commercial building on Bank Street early yesterday.

There were no injuries, but 68 firefighters, with 16 vehicles, needed two hours to bring the fire under control, acting district chief Steve Rhéaume said.

According to fire inspector Frank Donati, "from what I've seen, it looked suspicious."

The Green Shift - Slandering the Good Name of Economics

As a professional policy wonk, I delight in a rip-roaring policy debate. Sadly, it is rare that these debates occur within the sphere of electoral politics. The notion of a carbon tax seemed to have had the potential to inspire such a conversation on a topic that has long been one of my interests.

Imagine my disappointment when the Green Shift particulars (such as they are) arrived.

So, here we are during an election campaign - which is mercifully not a 4 year experience like our buddies to the South. Sometimes it is the tiniest tidbit that irritate, and the declaration from the Liberal and Green parties that "Economists" are solidly lined up behind their various income-to-carbon tax shift plans is one such appalling rhubarb. Electioneering via duplicity.

However, in the abstract sense, these claims are largely correct.

It is 100% correct to say that economists favour internalizing the costs incurred by negative externalities through application of a price on said externalities.

It is mostly correct to say that in order to reduce anthropogenic greenhouse gases, economists favour the taxation of carbon.
That said, it is a unicorn in the enchanted forest leap to say that Economists would endorse the Green Shift as it is currently structured.

As is costumary, we must first declare our assumptions, each of which is massively debateable, but for our purposes, acceptable. 1) That the reduction of anthropogenic greenhouse gases is a desirable objective, which will have a meaningful effect on climate change; 2) That a carbon tax implemented by a small open economy like Canada will not result in relocation of carbon productionto another untaxed jurisdictions; 3) That the negative impacts of carbon reduction to the social welfare function are zero or less than the positive impacts expected from their reduction.

One of the most basic mathematical concepts in economics is elasticity, which is a measure of the responsiveness of one variable to changes in another. There is an endless academic exploration of this concept, but for our use we need only discuss the basics, which we will consider from the demand perspective.

• Price elasticity of demand measures how much the quantity of demand for a good changes if its price changes. Energy in all forms is usually tracked as inelastic (i.e., the percentage change in quantity is less than the percentage change in price).

• Income elasticity of demand measures how the quantity demanded changes when income increases.

• Cross-elasticity shows how the demand for one good changes when the price of another good changes. Substitute goods have positive cross-elasticities.

Without having a solid estimation of the price, income and cross-elasticities for all energy goods in Canada, any selective carbon taxation scheme (like the Green Shift) would be at best a large-scale social experiment, at worst a needless and damaging shock to the Canadian economy.

The element of the Green Shift that provides the most insight into its true purpose is the fact that diesel is to be subject to a rather significant tax increase, whereas gasoline is to be exempt. Nevermind that diesel emits less carbon per unit of energy than gasoline, which means that the Green Shift price incentives between these substitute goods favours greater carbon emission.

Logically, should you wish to reduce carbon emissions, taxation on those goods with the highest price elasticity of demand would give you the most bang for the buck. Regardless of the exact figure, the vast majority of studies would seem to indicate that price does indeed effect gasoline consumption. Given its primarily industrial uses, diesel is likely to be more inelastic than gasoline. Pick a study, any study.

Secondly, Alfredo A. Romero, 2007. "Revisiting the Price Elasticity of Gasoline Demand," Working Papers 63, Department of Economics, College of William and Mary uses some very interesting estimation techniques to produce a range of estimates over time for both the price and income elasticity of demand for gasoline. Guess what, he found that there is a strong correlation between both. When price goes up, gasoline consumption goes down. When income goes up, gasoline consumption goes up.

The Green Shift taxes carbon to reduce its consumption, returning money in income tax cuts which will then increase consumption. A true carbon tax would not be offset by income tax cuts.

The Green Shift will be a very costly shock to the Canadian economy. Carbon emissions are positively correlated to GDP, and if the Green Shift is implemented it will likely reduce carbon emissions, not because of its pricing, but because it will impose enormous transaction costs on the Canadian economy, reducing its output. A deliberate measure to make us collectively poorer.

Despite the rhetoric, it is clear to me that this plan is a coldly calculated wealth redistribution plan wrapped up in green packaging. It is crass electioneering and greenwashing.

Its design does not match its stated objectives. Stick that green in your pipe and smoke it.

Kiwi-pinas 80s Edition

What do you get when you mix a filipina and a kiwi?

Born in Fukuoka, Japan, Victoria Principal is an actress of Italian-American and Filipino extraction. She's best known for her role as Pamela Barnes Ewing on the oh-so-80s soap Dallas. Some doubt the veracity of her filipina roots. Well, her real name is Concettina Ree Principale. Case closed.

It was pointed out to me that 80s fantasy girl, Phoebe Cates, who is known mostly for wearing a red bikini in Fast Times at Ridgemont high, is of Russian-Jewish, and Chinese-Filipino descent. (No word on where those familiy reunions are being held).

And one more (non-80s) for good measure...

Myleene Klass is an English classical musician born in Gorleston, Norfolk, England to an Austrian-English father and a Filipina mother. She comes from six generations of classical musicians, none of whom reminded her to cover up herself in public.

Mutual of Ottawa's Wild Kingdom

AFRICAN LION ESCAPES NEAR OTTAWA

A two-year-old pet lion - named Boomer - was on the loose in Canada's backwoods near the nation's capital Wednesday, sparking a hunt by police, officials said.

The 150-pound (70-kilogram) male African lion escaped overnight Tuesday from an Indian reservation and was last seen near the tiny village of Maniwaki, north of Ottawa, said Melanie Larouche of the Quebec provincial police.

His owner, a member of the Kitigan Zibi Anishinabeg First Nation, has told police the animal is not dangerous.

http://www.canada.com/ottawacitizen/news/story.html?id=bf82f6a1-edf6-4d68-b6c7-c29288cd117d&k=79370

Now, my 15 lb cat gets a little cranky if she hasn't eaten in a span of 12 hours, and downright spastic if she hasn't eaten in 24 hours. I can't, for a second, imagine that a 150lb young male cat, scared, hungry, lost and not afraid of humans... is HARMLESS.

That's almost as stupid as keeping one as a pet. Retards.

In other wildlife news, a sad bit of news regarding the peregrine falcons that inhabit the Crowne Plaza hotel a handful of blocks away from Casa Primrose.

FALCON EGGS STOLEN?

Eve Ticknor, co-ordinator of the Ottawa Field Naturalist Club's Falcon Watch, said the two eggs, laid around April 8, vanished sometime between the night of April 15 and the afternoon of April 17.

"It could have been someone who wanted to get rid of them, or took them in the hope of selling them, or who was paid to get them," Ms. Ticknor said.

http://www.canada.com/shareit/soundoff/story.html?id=07353a51-da8f-4fb6-8587-e2d2376ddede

One of these incredible birds perched on the electrical wires feeding into our house, and while I'm not really a bird-watching enthusiast, the sight of that magnificent bird was extraordinary. Muscular and regal. Truly spectacular. A special place in hell for the person who stole their eggs.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my big bro!

Un Mensaje para los Tiburones

Yo cago en tu leche!

GO DALLAS... GO DETROIT!!!

What do you get when you mix a filipina with a kiwi?

It should come as no surprize to anyone that I find Filipina women very attractive. I had to go to Africa to find the most beautiful one of all, but that's another blog entry.

There's been a number of times when I see an actress or singer and think, "Wow, she's really pretty," only later to learn that she's of mixed Filipina descent. Plus, there's a bit of personal interest - to see what you get when you mix up Rice and Beans. So without further ado...

Tia Carrere - This striking beauty bares a startling resemblance to the gorgeous Mrs. Beans - Rice gets the comparison all the time (along with the odd Naomi Campbell and strangely Tiger Woods, from a very delusional francophone fellow). While the narrative of Ms. Carrere's lineage is a little confusing, there's definitely some Filipina mixed in there.

Nicole Scherzinger - The only good looking Pussycat Doll was born in Hawaii to a Hawaiian/Russian mum, but traces her roots to Batanes Islands, where her dad is from.

Vanessa Minnillo - Born on Clark Air Force Base in Pampanga to a Filipina mom and an Italian-American dad. Won Miss Teen USA. Currently dating Mr. Jessica
Simpson.

Vanessa Anne Hudgens - Filipina mom. Apparently she's famous for her work in High School Musical... i.e., the odds of me seeing her performances is pretty close to non-existant.

Natassia Malthe - This one is a bit tricky. While everyone agrees that her dad is Norwegian, I've seen her mom listed alternatively as Filipina or Malaysian. However, almost everywhere I've seen says her mum was a nurse... hence I'm thinking Filipina. Apparently she's a Royal Winnipeg Ballet graduate too.

Lexa Doig - Born in Toronto (yuck) to a Filipina mom, and a dad of Irish and Scottish descent. Famous only to Sci-Fi die-hards (starring in Andromeda and Stargate SG1) and guys searching for Filipino/white 50-50s.

In conclusion, a very beautiful albeit somewhat notorious bunch. And what of the guys, you say? Well, its perhaps not as attractive an assortment...

Kirk Hammett - Lead guitarist of Metallica. Hell yeah! Born in San Francisco to a Filipina
mother and an Irish Merchant Marine father (sensing a trend here)

Rob "Deuce Bigalow" Schneider – Saturday Night Live performer, actor, comedian (Jewish father, half-Filipina mother); "Mom's family had the better food; Dad's family had the better jokes."

Hervé "Tattoo" Villechaize - Filipino-French heritage.

Just kidding, there's also...

Enrique Iglesias - Considered by many the sexiest man alive, He is the son of singer Julio Iglesias and Filipina Isabel Preysler. Good lookin' guy, but his music is beyond terrible.

Big DUMB Pharma

Watching US satellite feeds is an interesting experience thanks to the everpresent ads for the latest and greatest wonder drugs for increasingly obscure conditions. My personal favourite quasi-maladie is restless legs syndrom.

Anyways, there's a new drug out called "AcipHex", http://www.aciphex.com/ a clever new product destined to provide relief to millions of suffers of acid reflux disease.

The product's name makes sense, in theory, and I can see the logic of its compilaiton. "Aci-" to describe the basic condition it seeks to reactify, a stylized "pH" to indicate the act of balancing the acidity in the sufferers stomach and "ex" a splashy sounding word that turns it into a complete name.

Unfortunately, when strung together and repeated about 20 times during a 30 second commercial spot, the name comes off sounding like "Ass-Effects".

Just for giggles, I thought I'd do a little digging, and here's just a sampler of the many side effects of this new wonder drug:

Digestive System: diarrhea, nausea, abdominal pain, vomiting, dyspepsia, flatulence, constipation, dry mouth, eructation, gastroenteritis, rectal hemorrhage, melena, ano-rexia, cholelithiasis, mouth ulceration, stomatitis, dysphagia, gingivitis, cholecystitis, increased appetite, abnormal stools, colitis, esophagitis, glossitis, pancreatitis, proctitis. Rare: bloody diarrhea, cholangitis, duodenitis, gastrointestinal hemorrhage, hepatic encephalopathy, hepatitis, hepatoma, liver fatty deposit, salivary gland enlargement, thirst.

Ass-Effects indeed.

Yo No Soy Cyclista

Ordinarily, I'm not a big fan of artistic interpretations of commonly used words. Qualitative and subjective descriptors are fair game - afterall, who I am to question another's view of the definition of spooky or gaudy.

But I draw the line at proper nouns.... that was until the winter of 2007-08.

You see, when the other morning I was helpfully reminded by the perpetually effervescent Weather Network staff that it was the first day of spring, I had to ask... Spring? By what possible definition is this Spring?

The old ground hog's day canard has always been a pet peeve of mine. Under the worst case scenario, we are destined for 6 more weeks of winter. Which would mean, the end of winter is approximately the end of March. Sounds frickin' good to me. Somebody brief the weather gods, cuz they didn't get the memo.

Ottawa's "official" transition into Spring is totally meaningless. Consequently, I will substitute my own definition of winter as it is a better point of demarcation than the "4 equal parts" calendar seasons or the phobias of a rodent. To me, winter begins when my bike is taken off the road - when it is too dark and too much hassle to ride into work or to run errands. Winter ends when the roads are clear enough that it's more convenient to cycle than walk. Winter is a drag, you see, because I'm denied the liberty and speed that my bike brings.

The temperature is totally irrelevant to my definition of winter. It is the snow and the darkness that makes winter, and while the days have become longer, there is an 80 cm base of snow on the unplowed paths in Ottawa. By my definition.... it is still winter.

By the way, this is Beans' first post, and afterall, Gallo Pinto without beans is just rice.

p.s. Flames vs. Oilers tonight. If the Flames win, the Oilers are eliminated!!

Rice and Beans: Simpsonized!

We couldn't Simpsonize K, but toony T turned out :) Click on the post title to get your own Simpsonself.

Roll Up The Rim

I'm so excited to announce that Beans has won his first ever Roll Up The Win prize! He thought he'd won a small coffee, but walked away with an extra large, no extra charge. Does that make it a "double double" win? :)